Beautiful Life

Footprints In The Sand

 

We are never alone. Even in the hardest, darkest, lowest and saddest times of our lives. This is an amazing poem that explains exactly why!

One night I had a dream. I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and across the skies flashed scenes of my life. In each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One was mine, and one was the Lord's. When the last scene of my life appeared before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand, and, to my surprise, I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints. And I noticed that it was at the lowest and saddest times in my life. I asked the Lord about it: "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why you left my side when I needed you most." The Lord said: "My precious child, I never left you during your time of one set of footprints, I was carrying you."

Emerging From My Cocoon

 

"A story is told of a man who noticed a cocoon on a bush in his yard. As he started to remove it from the bush and throw it away, he noticed the end was opening and a butterfly was struggling to escape. In an effort to help the emerging butterfly, he took it inside and carefully cut the cocoon away with a razor blade. The butterfly feebly crawled away from the open cocoon and, within a few hours, died. It needed the strength it would have gained from the struggle to free itself in order to survive in the outside world." The 12 Steps for Adult Children

On our journey to healing, there are many steps that are extremely painful and just plain hard to take. In my relationship with God, He has revealed certain "issues" in my life. He has also provided the tools necessary to resolve those "issues". When I decide to work on those "issues", I'm making a decision to grow and learn....But that decision is a hard one to make because I know what comes along with it. A lot of digging deep inside and revisiting uncomfortable and painful feelings and experiences. I look at it like a metamorphoses of our soul and life. In that struggle to break through our cocoons, there are a lot of tears and pain, but every bit of it is extremely necessary for our growth.

I find beauty in humility, in being real and transparent. We are all human and we all go through difficult situations in our lives. Being able to be honest with ourselves and others is like letting that guard down. Letting go of trying to make everything perfect, doing it all ourselves and the notion that being strong means we never break down. In that struggle to break though our cocoon, we can sometimes feel like giving up, like we have no energy left to break through. That's when we look up to God for the strength to finish our transformation. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13)

The process of healing is life long and an everyday task, It's easy to fall back into bad habits or attitudes. I have a checklist I made of all the things I do to stay on track. I formed this personal list of things that I am called to do as a Christian and simply because the effect they have had in my life has been positive. When ever I feel down, off track, unmotivated, lost... I think back to my checklist. As I go over it, I realize there are things that I have been slacking on. So I do it, I don't feel bad for not having done it. There is nothing I can do about the moments that have past except learn. I have dug deep, I have confronted painful memories and I have looked to God for strength and guidance. Now It's time to emerge from my cocoon. I am finally breaking free from my old ways and old life. It's an amazing process, transformation, metamorphosis...  success is emerging a beautiful butterfly. 

I Must Always:

* Thank God every morning.

* Read God's word everyday.

* Pray to God.

* Eat Healthy.

* Exercise

* Connect with at least one person I care about everyday.

* Write my thoughts.

* Organize my schedule.

* Have Faith in God in everything I do.

* Love everyone.

* Surround myself with positive people and things.

* Give everyday.

* Stay humble.

* Help others.

How The Lost Traveler Was Found

My love for change and new things was born the day I was, 26 years ago. My father, originally from Virginia, was in the army. He meet my mother in Puerto Rico, where she is from. They married and started their life and travels together in Germany. Less than a year after I was born, we moved to Missouri where my brother and sister were born. After about seven years we moved to Hawaii. The next move was to North Carolina. Then my father retired from the army and we moved to Puerto Rico. My siblings and I only knew a couple of words in Spanish and understood close to nothing. We were put in a all Spanish speaking school with help from tutors.  Everywhere we lived, we moved from house to house and school to school, mainly because of the lack of housing. We left what we knew to start all over again. After about thirteen years of living in Puerto Rico I moved to New York where I meet my husband, Nicholas. To this day I have yet to find a place to call home.

Change was practically in my blood. It's something I desired and came to depend on. It allowed me to feel something new, add adventure and excitement to my life. I never questioned it either. When I felt the need for a change, I changed. I could come up with tons of reasons why it was a good idea or necessary. I changed everything from relationships, jobs, personal style, to addictions. It kept me going for a long while. Until the day it just didn't feel the same.

My life was no longer the same. I was a born again Christian, married and growing immensely in my walk with the Lord. One day I started to feel lost for a moment and a little crazy. I was having an urge for a change but I didn't feel OK with that feeling. I started to question my reasons, my worries... myself. In God's molding of my life, I realized I could have been using change to escape situations, to find something better, and to seek fulfillment. I now had a personal relationship with God and prayed to Him about this situation. I wrote in my journal these words "It's almost like I'm searching and searching for something perfect". I thought to myself "will I ever end this wanting to change constantly in my life?" 

The very next day I understood what the meaning of this was. I was growing in my relationship with God. He was telling me "you don't have to search any longer, I AM HERE". I was being filled by Him and not by my desires for change. I realized I was like a lost traveler, searching and searching... but I didn't have to search any longer... no more searching in new things, new places, new relationships, new jobs... No matter what, it was never going to fill the God shaped whole in my heart. At last, I had what I was searching for after so long. This was the most amazing feeling, for God to allow me a glimpse of how much I've grown, how He answered my doubts and filled me with hope and love... 

This part of my transformation was amazing but not easy. Instead of seeking new things I had to learn to be still. To deal with issues instead of running away. To fully commit myself to whatever I was doing. The reality was that It wasn't about what I wanted nor was it about my comfort... It was about learning to trust and put my Faith in God and wait until He decided to open a door for me.

I once heard someone say "Sometimes we try to make Heaven here on Earth, but It is not". It almost seems like in our quest for perfect, we must realize: perfect does not exist here and we must learn to live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. We are surrounded by empty material things that give false promises and false fulfillment. Life is bigger than you and me. 

I feel so blessed that God would allow me to grow and understand these things. I no longer have to run from life, I am no longer afraid, I am no longer a lost traveler. I have found the ONE to fill my life and my emptiness. He guides me and carries me when I cannot walk. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy change, or travel, or excitement... It just means I'll enjoy it for what It is, and not expect it to fulfill me or my life. In my travels, I will admire this beautiful life. I have to thank God, I am no longer a lost traveler.

"He is the Rock, His works are perfect, and all His ways are just. A faithful God who dares no wrong, upright and just is He" Deuteronomy 32:4

12 Steps To Healing

I am amazed at how God is working in my life. I meet someone who is a recovered addict that goes regularly to AA meetings. We shared our stories with each other and had a real in-depth conversation. I really feel that God led me to meet this person at exactly this point in my life. She told me how they also have Al-Anon meetings (this is for anyone that has been affected by someone else's drinking and addiction) and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. Like I've said before, I'm ready to cross those oceans and climb those mountains in my life journey. So this past Friday I went to my very first Al-Anon meeting. I was a bit nervous and definitely out of my comfort zone. I cannot share the stories I heard from the people who were there but I can say this: It was painful to hear yet strangely comforting to know i wasn't alone in my pain. I shared a piece of my story and when It was all over I knew I wanted to come back. I went to find a book about the 12 steps they were talking about. I have never heard these steps in my life before. There were many books but I decided on The 12 Steps For Adult Children.

 I know I have the right tool in hand to deal with the unresolved issues in my life. I am so grateful to God for leading me exactly where I needed to go. I think these steps and this process can be helpful to anyone who has been affected by addiction, whether it be directly or indirectly. I want to share this journey through these steps with the hope of helping others to find healing in their lives as well. Here are the 12 Steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amens to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Under The Sun

I just love this, believe it to be true and really wanted to share it with everyone...

"There is time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to refrain, A time to search and a time to give up, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be silent and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

                                                               Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Shine Your Light

Being a positive person is not something that comes easily to everyone. Not everyday you wake up, ready to take on the world with a big smile on your face. Let's be realistic here, being a positive person and doing the right things are not the easiest things to do or the most popular. In fact, that is why few people chose to live their lives this way. Life is hard, we have heart ache, we suffer, people let us down, we judge ourselves to harshly, I can go on and on... All of these things affect us and wanting to be the best we can be. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Life beats us up and it's just easier to just be... you lose your zest for life. The people that seem to stand out and shine brighter than the rest are positive, kind, honest, good and hard working. We start to think, well only some people are meant to be happy, some people are special, some people are meant for greatness. These are all lies!!! We are all meant for greatness no matter the circumstance or past history.

 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." Mathew 7:13

The few that chose to live a great life are often faced with negativity from others. They are treated bad and made fun of for no apparent reason. The truth is misery loves company and if someone is smiling all the time, positive and great things happen to them others hate them for it. It actually makes others jealous, envious, and just plain miserable. Deep inside they desire to be like them, to shine as brightly as they do. Things get in the way of making that step like pride, embarrassment and simply not knowing what to do. 

Having God in your life makes all the difference. Things that seemed impossible become possible, weaknesses you thought you had melt away and fears disappear. God says 365 times in His word, DO NOT FEAR and for good reason. He knew all the things that we are going to be up against. There are many things that seem way scarier when we look in ourselves for strength and bravery. When we accept God into our lives we can see and feel His greatness in us. That greatness makes us want to be the best we can be everyday. People's bad intentions and negativity will have no power and do not stand a chance! Make that step, get your zest for life back, dream great dreams, live a life worth living and shine your Light brightly! 

 "He who lives in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1John 4:4

Sweet Surrender

Our deepest stories lie just beneath the layer of our skin.

Why have we become so artificial? What ever happened to being real, honest, trustworthy? What ever happened to connecting through experiences... through Love?

If we just stay on the surface we will never find what's within. Everyone has something to learn and something to teach.

Why do we chose to stay like prisoners? The door is wide open yet we chose to stay behind bars.

Why can't we let go of the hurt. Why can't we forgive ourselves? We tend to stay with what's familiar and if that's pain, we repeat history. We do it to ourselves.

We must learn to see the beautiful in the ugly. We must learn to be the light in the dark. We must learn not to be afraid of our shadow, except and love ourselves for what we are truly worth.

Not to waste but embrace moments of pain and suffering in our lives, these can turn into life lessons if we chose to grow.

And above all learn that we can not do this on our own and we must surrender all we have and who we are to God and that is sweet...

The Dash

                                             The Dash                                                               

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth,and he spoke of the following date with tears. 

But he said what mattered most was the dash between those years, for that dash represents all the time she spent alive on earth and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own- the cars, the house, the cash...

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

Think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that still can be arranged. 

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to rehash would you be proud of the things they said about how you spent your dash?

                                                                                                By: Linda Ellis

My Transformation

  I am a born again Christian. The moment I invited God into my life was the beginning of an amazing journey. One that I am still on and will continue until my last day. This has nothing to do with religion, It's a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Life didn't automatically change the moment I invited Christ into my life. I look at it like I gave my heart to God and He started molding me and changing the desires of my heart. This allowed me to see my life through different eyes.

  I was a smoker for many years, I honestly thought I would always be one. I had quite drugs but smoking seemed impossible. I wanted to quite so I made plans and tried but nothing ever worked. At this point I was smoking a pack a day (more when I went out drinking) and really didn't enjoy smoking at all. One day before going into work, I was smoking a cigarette and really felt disgusted by it. I had enough, I said "God let this be my last cigarette". I threw the rest of the pack away and that was the last cigarette that EVER touched my lips! No patches, no gum, no program. Just me believing God could take this addiction away and He did. It will be two years in January!

  After accomplishing something that seemed impossible, I decided to step it up and be healthy. I had to learn what that meant because I was never really healthy before. So I started to read lots of books and basically became my own nutritionist. I decided to become a vegetarian (later vegan) and take a break from coffee at the same time. I had migraines everyday for a week but after that I felt great! 

  I know that I was on the right track but there was something missing to deal with... my drinking. I still had no control and was drinking all the time. I had to finally realize that I was an alcoholic. This was not easy but I came to the realization that I had a problem. This past New Years, I decided to quite drinking. I did, after a year of being smoke free and vegetarian. I also started going to the gym.

  I was talking with a Pastor friend and he said: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." ~ II Corinthians 5:17 I was no longer an alcoholic, God took this away from me, I am a new creation. I decided to put this to the test. After months of not drinking I decided to reintroduce drinking into my life. It was different. Any desire I had to drink in excess was gone. I've been able to drink with control for the first time in my life. This is the first hang over free year of my life and it feels great! It's not been an easy journey since my drinking was covering up a lot of issues. In the process I've reconnected with myself. I learned to love and embrace who I am. Also to take any challenges head on instead of "numbing" myself with alcohol.

  I feel full of energy, life and inspiration. I'm in the best shape and the healthiest I've ever been. I now drink occasionally and mostly wine. After being a vegetarian for more than a year, I've reintroduced some local,organic chicken and fish into my diet. I still mostly eat vegetarian. I drink small amounts of coffee and replaced the excess with fresh vegetable juice and tea. I'm ready to take my working out to the next level. It's been a cleansing of my mind, body and soul. I love it!

  God is transforming me into the person I always wanted to be but always thought I could never be. I look forward to living a balanced, healthy, happy life with my kitties, husband and God. My hopes are that I can be an example of God's power, love and grace.

  My mother-in-law once told me, "You can take back everything that was taken from you" That's what I'm doing and I can't wait for what's next!!

Stepping Into The Light

 Everyone has a story. If we all shared our story we would discover that many people we know have gone through similar or worse situations. Our stories form the person we are today. Each experience shaping and molding who we are. We can learn, be inspired, feel compassion, be uplifted, feel hope, and understand our own situations better through the lives of others. If you can get just one positive thing out of my story, than it was all worth it.

 Starting this blog was not an easy decision. I knew that when I did, I was going to be completely honest about myself and my life. I decided to write this because I want to share my story. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I think most people do of some sort. Our dysfunction? My father started out as an alcoholic and later moved on to smoking crack. My mother did the best she could but fell into the role that almost every spouse of an alcoholic does. My life went down the wrong path and I experienced depression, alcohol and drug addiction along with other things. I would always dream about a better life but always thought thats all it would be, just a dream. I had no idea that one day I would meet the love of my life, find God and my whole life would turn around. I'm ready to step out of the darkness of hiding and step into the light by sharing these experiences with who ever wants to listen. 

As I write, I hope you feel encouraged to share your story also.

Because no matter what your story is, Life Is Beautiful...