This is an excerpt from the book The 12 Steps for Adult Children. I would really like to just post the whole book here because every bit of it is awesome. If these issues sound familiar, get the book!
"We may have many self-defeating habits or behaviors that need correcting. When looking at our inappropriate methods of relating to others, it is important to remember the ways in which these patterns began. Because of the chaotic conditions of our childhood, we developed behaviors that now sabotage and assault the successful management of our lives as adults. Having grown up in emotionally repressive families, we become accustomed to denying our pain and discomfort. Most of us found it necessary to shut down our feelings and keep everything locked inside. We learned that expressing our own wants and needs caused rejection. This rejection stimulated intense feelings of inadequacy, and often times drove us to excessive use of mood-altering chemicals.
In our present environment, we may have trouble freely expressing pain, fear, anger, or need. We repress our true feelings because we continue to view our environment the same as we did in childhood. When we openly express our needs, we risk rejection. In order to avoid rejection, many of us compensate for our repressed feelings by doing things to extremes. Our behavior may include preoccupation with relationships or our job. Or we may cover our true feelings through overwork, overeating, or abuse of mood-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol."
Wow, when I read this I said "THIS IS ME". I couldn't believe I just read a description of how and why my life became a big mess. From the day it was clear to me that my father had problems, I knew that it was not right for him to live with us. It was the strongest feeling I had ever had and there was nothing anyone could say to change my mind. Addiction is such a horrible thing because it not only affects the addict but everyone around the addict. So spouses and children become part of the sickness. I first expressed my concern with my mother which then turned to countless conversations explaining and pleading with her. At such a young age, I knew my father was sick and he had to leave. It was like I knew we were all going to become sick as well. I told my mom to divorce my father. She did what she thought was right at the time and she stayed with him and that meant he stayed with us. This went against every fiber of my being. Things just got worst from then on and living with him just became a hellish nightmare. I did turn to alcohol and drugs to numb that pain. Not only was I experiencing the affects of an addict father, I had to live with the feeling of knowing it was wrong and not being able to do anything about it. I was just a kid and had no voice towards the situation. There is no wonder as to why my life took a turn for the worse.
I am grateful to have the opportunity to fully understand the situations that occurred. Most importantly to know I had no control over what happened. I can also start to understand how this has affected other aspects of my life and make a conscious decision to improve and work on those points. I'm excited for the understanding, awareness and self discovery I am going to have through this process. It really is stepping out of my comfort zone, in a good way though. I don't think I would have been so ready if I had not first surrendered my life to God. It's because of Him I am being transformed and I have peace in my life. I can see and feel myself growing with Him, allowing me to live a life worth living. I thank God for my husband Nick, he has been so loving and supportive through out this whole process. I want to show others it is possible, you can have healing, understanding and peace in your life, no matter what your circumstance. It's never to late...
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