Beautiful Life

Love, Hope and Joy in a Shoebox

 

Hard to imagine all of these things fitting into a shoebox, but it is possible! That's what Operation Christmas Child is all about. It consists of filling a shoebox with toys, school supplies, candies, hygiene items and any other special item you wish to include. This shoebox is for a young girl or boy in need, from some part of the world. You can also include a card or note with your name and address and you may receive a letter back from the child that receives the box. This is usually done in churches and schools but with todays technology you can do it on your own, finding a drop off center near by on their website. 

For these children, waking up on Christmas morning with a tree packed with over flowing gifts is just a dream. In fact, if it wasn't for this operation they probably would not receive any gift at all. Nick and I first heard of this from our church and participated last year. We completed about five shoeboxes. It was a truly rewarding experience and to our surprise we received a letter back from one of the recipients. It was from Zambia, Central Africa and it was written by the father of the child. It was a full on four page letter talking about their family, how much they enjoyed the box and God. It's amazing how in such a far away place and completely different culture, Love, Giving and above all God is the same!

This year we were equally excited to participate in this operation. We knew we wanted to make more boxes than the year before so we enlisted the help of Nick's niece Erin and nephew Isaiah. One of Nick's clients made a nice donation towards the boxes which we combined with the money we donated. We shopped for wrapping paper, candy canes, pencils, dolls, notebooks, racing cars, soap, toothbrushes, crayons, etc. You know, I absolutely enjoy shopping for others much more than for myself. I really like shopping for myself but shopping for a person in need goes beyond material satisfaction. So we ordered pizza and wrapped the boxes and filled them up. With the amount of things we were able to buy, thanks to God, we knew we were not going to finish in a day. Nick and I finished the boxes a couple of days later. The grand total was 13 boxes!! Wow, each box was full to the top with goodies. We dropped them off at Goodwill Church in Montgomery, NY. They not only were receiving boxes from their congregation but they were also a drop off center. As a center they received close to 10,000 boxes. Now that is amazing!! 

(Tadaaa, our completed boxes. We realized there was a box missing after I took the picture, but we found it!) 

This experience touched us in such a way that we know we will always participate in this operation. I would love to actually be the person giving these children the boxes. Just to witness their joy, love and excitement. Not only are we sharing these gifts but also showing God's Love. There is something almost magical that happens when you give, when you don't put your self first. When you have a self-less day or moment that is just amazing. It makes my heart beat a bit faster, it makes me forget any meaningless thing that had been bothering me....It makes me feel alive. Thanks to God, this was all possible!

   

It's not to late to participate. Check out the website  for all the information and other ways to help.

Footprints In The Sand

 

We are never alone. Even in the hardest, darkest, lowest and saddest times of our lives. This is an amazing poem that explains exactly why!

One night I had a dream. I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and across the skies flashed scenes of my life. In each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One was mine, and one was the Lord's. When the last scene of my life appeared before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand, and, to my surprise, I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints. And I noticed that it was at the lowest and saddest times in my life. I asked the Lord about it: "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why you left my side when I needed you most." The Lord said: "My precious child, I never left you during your time of one set of footprints, I was carrying you."

Emerging From My Cocoon

 

"A story is told of a man who noticed a cocoon on a bush in his yard. As he started to remove it from the bush and throw it away, he noticed the end was opening and a butterfly was struggling to escape. In an effort to help the emerging butterfly, he took it inside and carefully cut the cocoon away with a razor blade. The butterfly feebly crawled away from the open cocoon and, within a few hours, died. It needed the strength it would have gained from the struggle to free itself in order to survive in the outside world." The 12 Steps for Adult Children

On our journey to healing, there are many steps that are extremely painful and just plain hard to take. In my relationship with God, He has revealed certain "issues" in my life. He has also provided the tools necessary to resolve those "issues". When I decide to work on those "issues", I'm making a decision to grow and learn....But that decision is a hard one to make because I know what comes along with it. A lot of digging deep inside and revisiting uncomfortable and painful feelings and experiences. I look at it like a metamorphoses of our soul and life. In that struggle to break through our cocoons, there are a lot of tears and pain, but every bit of it is extremely necessary for our growth.

I find beauty in humility, in being real and transparent. We are all human and we all go through difficult situations in our lives. Being able to be honest with ourselves and others is like letting that guard down. Letting go of trying to make everything perfect, doing it all ourselves and the notion that being strong means we never break down. In that struggle to break though our cocoon, we can sometimes feel like giving up, like we have no energy left to break through. That's when we look up to God for the strength to finish our transformation. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13)

The process of healing is life long and an everyday task, It's easy to fall back into bad habits or attitudes. I have a checklist I made of all the things I do to stay on track. I formed this personal list of things that I am called to do as a Christian and simply because the effect they have had in my life has been positive. When ever I feel down, off track, unmotivated, lost... I think back to my checklist. As I go over it, I realize there are things that I have been slacking on. So I do it, I don't feel bad for not having done it. There is nothing I can do about the moments that have past except learn. I have dug deep, I have confronted painful memories and I have looked to God for strength and guidance. Now It's time to emerge from my cocoon. I am finally breaking free from my old ways and old life. It's an amazing process, transformation, metamorphosis...  success is emerging a beautiful butterfly. 

I Must Always:

* Thank God every morning.

* Read God's word everyday.

* Pray to God.

* Eat Healthy.

* Exercise

* Connect with at least one person I care about everyday.

* Write my thoughts.

* Organize my schedule.

* Have Faith in God in everything I do.

* Love everyone.

* Surround myself with positive people and things.

* Give everyday.

* Stay humble.

* Help others.

How The Lost Traveler Was Found

My love for change and new things was born the day I was, 26 years ago. My father, originally from Virginia, was in the army. He meet my mother in Puerto Rico, where she is from. They married and started their life and travels together in Germany. Less than a year after I was born, we moved to Missouri where my brother and sister were born. After about seven years we moved to Hawaii. The next move was to North Carolina. Then my father retired from the army and we moved to Puerto Rico. My siblings and I only knew a couple of words in Spanish and understood close to nothing. We were put in a all Spanish speaking school with help from tutors.  Everywhere we lived, we moved from house to house and school to school, mainly because of the lack of housing. We left what we knew to start all over again. After about thirteen years of living in Puerto Rico I moved to New York where I meet my husband, Nicholas. To this day I have yet to find a place to call home.

Change was practically in my blood. It's something I desired and came to depend on. It allowed me to feel something new, add adventure and excitement to my life. I never questioned it either. When I felt the need for a change, I changed. I could come up with tons of reasons why it was a good idea or necessary. I changed everything from relationships, jobs, personal style, to addictions. It kept me going for a long while. Until the day it just didn't feel the same.

My life was no longer the same. I was a born again Christian, married and growing immensely in my walk with the Lord. One day I started to feel lost for a moment and a little crazy. I was having an urge for a change but I didn't feel OK with that feeling. I started to question my reasons, my worries... myself. In God's molding of my life, I realized I could have been using change to escape situations, to find something better, and to seek fulfillment. I now had a personal relationship with God and prayed to Him about this situation. I wrote in my journal these words "It's almost like I'm searching and searching for something perfect". I thought to myself "will I ever end this wanting to change constantly in my life?" 

The very next day I understood what the meaning of this was. I was growing in my relationship with God. He was telling me "you don't have to search any longer, I AM HERE". I was being filled by Him and not by my desires for change. I realized I was like a lost traveler, searching and searching... but I didn't have to search any longer... no more searching in new things, new places, new relationships, new jobs... No matter what, it was never going to fill the God shaped whole in my heart. At last, I had what I was searching for after so long. This was the most amazing feeling, for God to allow me a glimpse of how much I've grown, how He answered my doubts and filled me with hope and love... 

This part of my transformation was amazing but not easy. Instead of seeking new things I had to learn to be still. To deal with issues instead of running away. To fully commit myself to whatever I was doing. The reality was that It wasn't about what I wanted nor was it about my comfort... It was about learning to trust and put my Faith in God and wait until He decided to open a door for me.

I once heard someone say "Sometimes we try to make Heaven here on Earth, but It is not". It almost seems like in our quest for perfect, we must realize: perfect does not exist here and we must learn to live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. We are surrounded by empty material things that give false promises and false fulfillment. Life is bigger than you and me. 

I feel so blessed that God would allow me to grow and understand these things. I no longer have to run from life, I am no longer afraid, I am no longer a lost traveler. I have found the ONE to fill my life and my emptiness. He guides me and carries me when I cannot walk. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy change, or travel, or excitement... It just means I'll enjoy it for what It is, and not expect it to fulfill me or my life. In my travels, I will admire this beautiful life. I have to thank God, I am no longer a lost traveler.

"He is the Rock, His works are perfect, and all His ways are just. A faithful God who dares no wrong, upright and just is He" Deuteronomy 32:4

Greater Understanding

This is an excerpt from the book The 12 Steps for Adult Children. I would really like to just post the whole book here because every bit of it is awesome. If these issues sound familiar, get the book! 

"We may have many self-defeating habits or behaviors that need correcting. When looking at our inappropriate methods of relating to others, it is important to remember the ways in which these patterns began. Because of the chaotic conditions of our childhood, we developed behaviors that now sabotage and assault the successful management of our lives as adults. Having grown up in emotionally repressive families, we become accustomed to denying our pain and discomfort. Most of us found it necessary to shut down our feelings and keep everything locked inside. We learned that expressing our own wants and needs caused rejection. This rejection stimulated intense feelings of inadequacy, and often times drove us to excessive use of mood-altering chemicals. 

In our present environment, we may have trouble freely expressing pain, fear, anger, or need. We repress our true feelings because we continue to view our environment the same as we did in childhood. When we openly express our needs, we risk rejection. In order to avoid rejection, many of us compensate for our repressed feelings by doing things to extremes. Our behavior may include preoccupation with relationships or our job. Or we may cover our true feelings through overwork, overeating, or abuse of mood-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol."

Wow, when I read this I said "THIS IS ME". I couldn't believe I just read a description of how and why my life became a big mess. From the day it was clear to me that my father had problems, I knew that it was not right for him to live with us. It was the strongest feeling I had ever had and there was nothing anyone could say to change my mind. Addiction is such a horrible thing because it not only affects the addict but everyone around the addict. So spouses and children become part of the sickness. I first expressed my concern with my mother which then turned to countless conversations explaining and pleading with her. At such a young age, I knew my father was sick and he had to leave. It was like I knew we were all going to become sick as well. I told my mom to divorce my father. She did what she thought was right at the time and she stayed with him and that meant he stayed with us. This went against every fiber of my being. Things just got worst from then on and living with him just became a hellish nightmare. I did turn to alcohol and drugs to numb that pain. Not only was I experiencing the affects of an addict father, I had to live with the feeling of knowing it was wrong and not being able to do anything about it. I was just a kid and had no voice towards the situation. There is no wonder as to why my life took a turn for the worse.

I am grateful to have the opportunity to fully understand the situations that occurred. Most importantly to know I had no control over what happened. I can also start to understand how this has affected other aspects of my life and make a conscious decision to improve and work on those points. I'm excited for the understanding, awareness and self discovery I am going to have through this process. It really is stepping out of my comfort zone, in a good way though. I don't think I would have been so ready if I had not first surrendered my life to God. It's because of Him I am being transformed and I have peace in my life. I can see and feel myself growing with Him, allowing me to live a life worth living. I thank God for my husband Nick, he has been so loving and supportive through out this whole process. I want to show others it is possible, you can have healing, understanding and peace in your life, no matter what your circumstance. It's never to late...

12 Steps To Healing

I am amazed at how God is working in my life. I meet someone who is a recovered addict that goes regularly to AA meetings. We shared our stories with each other and had a real in-depth conversation. I really feel that God led me to meet this person at exactly this point in my life. She told me how they also have Al-Anon meetings (this is for anyone that has been affected by someone else's drinking and addiction) and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. Like I've said before, I'm ready to cross those oceans and climb those mountains in my life journey. So this past Friday I went to my very first Al-Anon meeting. I was a bit nervous and definitely out of my comfort zone. I cannot share the stories I heard from the people who were there but I can say this: It was painful to hear yet strangely comforting to know i wasn't alone in my pain. I shared a piece of my story and when It was all over I knew I wanted to come back. I went to find a book about the 12 steps they were talking about. I have never heard these steps in my life before. There were many books but I decided on The 12 Steps For Adult Children.

 I know I have the right tool in hand to deal with the unresolved issues in my life. I am so grateful to God for leading me exactly where I needed to go. I think these steps and this process can be helpful to anyone who has been affected by addiction, whether it be directly or indirectly. I want to share this journey through these steps with the hope of helping others to find healing in their lives as well. Here are the 12 Steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amens to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Under The Sun

I just love this, believe it to be true and really wanted to share it with everyone...

"There is time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to refrain, A time to search and a time to give up, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be silent and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

                                                               Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Selfless Day

Today Nick and I spent most of the day at the Walter Hoving Home. This is a non-profit, faith-based rehabilitation center serving women 18 years and older who have been involved in drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution and other life-controlling problems.

When we first arrived we were greeted by a very nice lady who is in charge of volunteers. She gave us a tour of the home. Located in a mountainous area, it was a couple of beautiful castle style houses with the most spectacular view. The surrounding area of trees, nature and fallen leaves was absolutely peaceful. In a big closet set up with two chairs and a table with a tilted mirror propped on top, we cut and styled the hair of 21 women. 

Nicholas and I, side by side, started our selfless day together. Each lady came with their hair already washed, and a smile on their face. They were all excited, some adventurous with big changes and others with just a trim. As we cut their hair we talked, listened and learned about their stories. Each different from the next in age and drug of choice. I heard everything from a pastor's wife dealing with alcoholism to girls in their early 20s mixing crack, heroin and cocaine. Stories of girls starting drugs as young as 12 yrs. old, overdoses, having children taken away and being in relationships with other users. Most of the girls were young, pretty and nice... You would never imagine. Hearing their stories brought back memories of mine. 

I turned to anything and everything to escape my reality growing up. My father's addiction was the most painful experience I have ever had. It wasn't just about him, it shattered my family and unleashed a sickness. I turned to alcohol, pot and cocaine. I experimented with other drugs such as Ecstasy, acid and prescription medications my doctors prescribed. I used cocaine everyday for over a year and became bulimic and anorexic. I was so self destructive, I did not care about myself and all I wanted was to not feel.

As I looked at these girls, I thought, I was once like them.... feeling scared and alone. This is what I looked like... I wanted to hug them, tell them my story, tell them how sorry I was that they had to go through all those horrible experiences. I didn't... I couldn't... I just cut their hair, talked about more pleasant things, smiled, laughed with them and when they shared some of their stories I listened.

At the end of the day Nick and I felt so blessed to have the opportunity to use our talents so that the women could leave feeling pampered and beautiful. Most importantly it was more than just about the haircuts, it was about showing these women God's love through us. I felt something inside, I knew that I was exactly where I needed to be. We will be back for haircuts, for company and for love.

I was so proud to be there with Nick. To share this experience with him and see how he bonded with the women as he asked the questions I didn't dare. To be an example of a transformed women and an example of a healthy marriage where God is first. I am grateful everyday for what God has done in my life. I will never be ashamed to share my story and to say my God is an awesome God! 

God gave us gifts so we can play a roll in helping one another. These days all the focus is on ourselves: how we can have it our way, have it now, and have it all. We can never find satisfaction in these things because we were built to love one another. Immature love is self love and mature love is selfless love. When you give love by helping and putting others first, you receive a feeling that you cannot get by doing anything else. Volunteering is an amazing way to give love. Find a cause you are passionate about, somewhere you can put your talents and skills to work in helping others! Try to have a selfless day once a month to start, then maybe once every couple of weeks. Do whatever you can. A smile, a conversation, a random act of kindness, a heartfelt compliment. These are all ways to have a selfless moment anytime on any day. Try it out and show some LOVE!

"Love is not self seeking" I Cor 13:4

Spiritual Growth

Life has been pretty amazing lately. I feel a connection with God like never before. I can feel myself maturing and growing spiritually. Lately I have shared with great company, heard amazing true life stories and seen the most beautiful tears. Those are the stories that inspire and the tears that cleanse.

I always knew God existed, I always craved to be close to Him, many things in the past got in the way of my relationship with Him. My mother planted a great seed in me growing up as she told me about God. I wanted more but had no idea how. Now, so many years and life experiences later, I have grown closer than ever before.  

I am truly understanding the way God has created me. Appreciating and learning to love the body He gave me. Allowing Him to cleanse me of all my past mistakes, bandage my wounds and allow them to heal. I have learned to wear my scars proudly because deep inside I always knew everything that happened, happened for a reason. My comfort is in that I can trust in God to always take care of me more than even my parents could ever. I can truly say that when you allow God to work in your life He does.

Road Less Traveled By

I had to memorize this poem in elementary school. I never would have thought, that so many years later these words would reflect decisions in my life.  It's dear to my heart and I still have part of it memorized! Enjoy :)

                                   The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black,

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                                                                               Robert Frost

What road are you traveling? It's not to late to make a u-turn and start down the right one!